Woke this morning to some short sharp noises which sounded more like a cough then Delilah's bark. But it is all that she is capable of these days...and enough to let me know that there is something wrong in Dogdom.
I found a chair knocked over in the kitchen (the dogs sleep there nowadays, confined since they've had some problems with incontinence)-Delilah, in her attempts to raise herself off the floor, had knocked it over. In doing so, she scared Rhonda badly (I'm reconstructing this because I never actually saw it) and since Rhonda has always had a fear of these chairs (not totally irrational-they are top-heavy and if you hang a coat on one, chances are it'll fall over), she lost it and peed all over the floor.
Since I usually let both dogs out the minute I get up, my concern was now getting Delilah through this mess and outside. I tried to get her up several times , but she just couldn't manage it. I sort of carried and dragged her to the door, avoiding the pee-once outside, she has easier purchase on the ground and can better maneuver...
I'm telling you all this to get it off my mind-I leave for a show today and the two girls will be cared for by my wife. I don't want to leave: the mutts are my responsibility (as I am the one who vowed to see them through thick and thin when I got them). There was a part of me this morning that realized that things are moving all too swiftly towards the inevitable-as in, we can't go on like this, especially in thinking that anyone but myself would take care of, or want to take care of, two aged incontinent dogs. There is love lost in cleaning up dog shit and pee. This is a shocking and horrible revelation, but a truth nonetheless. I'm still able to separate the "mistakes" from how I feel about these two dogs, who have been my almost constant companions -they have seen me through good and bad times and at my best and worst in the studio-my all-knowing critics.
Seeing my dogs go from sparky, happy critters to decrepit, leaky old animals has put a dark cloud over my head lately. I identify with this aging dog scenario-the "no one loves you when you get old" thing. This makes no part of this any easier-there is no spirit of "we are all in this together" when it comes to this. Staying on course with the aging process only gets you to the end-as we all know, when you die, you die alone. Dark words.
1 comment:
Hi, Bill,
I'm a friend/neighbor of Ruth Gaeta. She pointed me to your site to read about your dogs Rhonda and Delilah. I can so relate! We got my Daisy when she was 6 weeks old. Sadly, there came a Sunday morning last November when I knew the time was right, and I said, "We have to put her down." It was my husband's decision months earlier, but like you, the dogs are *my loves* and responsibility, so she would not go anywhere without my say-so. She was 15 1/2, ancient for a lab mix, but oh did I hate to lose her. We'd already bought her $$$ daily pain pills flown in from Europe (not approved in the US for her Cushing's disease) for 1 1/2 years. She had lost hearing and eyesight. And we'd tried doggie diapers. They don't work, BTW.
Someone said when the time was right, I'd know it, and I did know it that day. We couldn't put her through one more minute of suffering. She cried out in pain when we try to diaper her, from her shaking legs and tired backbone.
Bless you for being a dog lover. No one but us knows how tough it can be to watch them age. Melissa
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